I am still alive..

For most people I know I have disappeared from the face of the earth. I do not blame them for having such assumption - I have not emailed, called or texted anyone that is not work related for the past couple of months, starting January. Even my bestfriend was surprised to see me actually online on an instant messaging program because I am never on it lately.

Looking at facebook pages I suddenly felt sad, and nostalgic. I saw myself tagged in some pictures and I couldn't help but think "I was standing next to them last year, where was I this year?". I had a text exchange with Austin two weeks, I said, "I wish I was back in UP", "I know you do" was his reply.

So I guess a bit of some updates are in order. To be honest I cannot even call people because I had to change phones and lost a lot of numbers in the process :/

1. In the homefront, our "case" has been progressing lately, even though it had to be pushed by a couple of ten thousands in the process.

2. With work, things have primarily settled a bit. I no longer have to stay until 10 PM everyday, 7pm will do. My bosses are awesome, they feed me a lot so I love them. I am going to enrol in the Philippine Trust Institute soon so, that keeps me interested with the stuff I work with, and helps me not pine after yoopie so much. There's also an in house badminton court at work so we play there after overtime, when there are no rush or 500 accounts for maturity the next day.

3. Social life at the moment is also related with work people >.> but it's okay, if it werent for the lack of boys in the department it would have been totally awesome! Imagine the department is like full of women with only ONE SINGLE MALE. Geez, the guy is getting tagged with everyone.

4. I am still pushing ahead with my plans-settle myself with work this year, and get into lawschool next year. Though theres still a bit of a problem with logistics which may affect my choices, I guess I'll cross the bridge when I get there...

I am still alive..

-Untitled-

It has been awhile since I last wrote anything so I thought, hey let me type it up before I forget to do so, or feel lazy enough to.

I watched Michael Jackson's memorial on television and I can't help but think that everyone is there in either mind or body, except him.

Work is going good, my salary was higher than I expected, that was even better.

Need to work on a saving plan, seriously.

Otherwise, I would not survive working right next to the biggest mall in the world which schedules it's mall sales during payday weekends.

Realizations

When I was in second year college, my professor once told me "You're so young, yet you are already cynical", and I just smiled thinking I knew what bad things to expect from this world.

I realized I was dead wrong. I still had my idealisms in the right place, so much so that I can't help but feel disappointed, and some how cheated with the little reality bites that I have come across with so far...

It was one thing to work for the academic community. Things hardly change except perhaps more paperwork and bureaucracy to deal with.

It was another to work for the entities of a less than ideal capitalistic society.

In the end you just want to scream it is not fair!

It is then you realize that they were right, there is still the inner marxist mentality in all of us.

 

Well Goldilocks came for a visit....

You know job hunting is like a Goldilocks looking for the perfect porridge - some are just too hot, some are just too cold, and we are eternally looking for the one that is just right.

My first day as a level three officer starts on the 16th if my soon to be boss gets her way :P I am lucky in a way because she is eager to have me.

-=-=-=-=-

The other day an exclassmate texted me, "you do not update your blog anymore" to which I replied "yeah I hardly visit LJ these days", "Nope the casia one". So here you are ms. special mention, I don't know how you got here which is really weird... might as well make this site public soon.

I just hope this site doesn't get spammed with a lot of "Ate, where is our yearbook" type of comments.

-=-=-=-=-

Obama's Inauguration

Obama's Presidential Inauguration Speech can be found here.

I was watching the whole time it happened. In a way I cannot help but think of Obama as the American version of Erap Estrada. He was the long shot. The inexperienced guy, but to whom everyone can relate to, on top of being able to say everything that the people wanted to hear and more. However, Obama was greater than Erap in one respect, whereas Erap ended up dividing the nation after he won, Obama seems to be able to keep the states in America united after elections. I believe that is his biggest achievement to date.

However, despite the moving words I still found myself unsatisfied. His speech was no different from the speeches he gave as he was campaigning for the presidency two years ago. The speech yesterday was motivational but it was also playing safe. It never defined anything about his goals or upcoming projects. He did not even say whether he planned to continue or stop the war. His theme had always been about the need for change, and the need for action but he never told us the direction of where does this change plan to lead us.

The last time change was called for, it gave birth to Communism in Europe, and dictatorships in South America. I am now very wary of the changes that will happen to this century-long hegemon.

Ehh???

So I enabled Google to transliterate my page on the settings option page, thinking that Hindi readers can finally read my page in the offchance that they pass by it... but I didn't realize it would change my English to Hindi and hinder me from reading this page myself. LOL

Last week I had six different companies interview me. The first one gave back an unfavorable response, I then had three "yes", and I'm still "waiting" for the last two. Nonetheless I have already signed with one company whom I believe gives the best benefits among the three offer sheets at hand.

The first time I got turned down, I felt really sad. The first time I got hired I felt really ecstactic.

Its been a roller coaster week.

Realizing things

If I were to make a graduation speech, this would be it.

Thank you God for making it all possible. I could have dropped out, taken drugs, became pregnant or got sidetracked and went up to the mountains but I did not. Thanks for giving me my parents who I under appreciate most of the time.

To my mother who bears the title of being a "stagemom" with pride, I realize now that without your support and training over the years I would not have been as confident, direct and forward about things I know and want. It was you who always came to my rescue during my tumultuous teenage angst years and thank you for being the bestfriend I never realized that I had for all this time.

To dad, well, thanks for all the financial support and advice. We may not always see things eye to eye but I guess that has trained all my argumentation skills and gave me the inspiration to prove myself every time.

Time for Change

For the most part, I think this is one of those rare seasons where I actually religiously update my blog. I guess it helps when you are comfortable about who is reading it. Yes, its public and anyone can actually access it but at the same time it still affords me this semblance of privacy giving me this warm cozy feeling in time knowing that this place is hardly visited.

I made my decision. I'll still wait for that offer but I wont just stand here and wait. I will still wait while working. At this point I need to do it before I feel harassed by all these people who keep on asking what am I doing with my life now. I am beginning to dread questions of inquiry as much as a single lady who trying to avoid quips about her becoming an old maid.

I didn't like Barack Obama before because he only talked about the need for change but he did not specify the direction or steps on how to do it. It is one thing to spout of platitudes, but another to actually make it happen, and this is why I don't really trust him to be able to make things better. In fact, I am betting that he'll die for being able to do anytrhing of real importance, just for making the White House turn black.

Okay, I'll stop before I start digressing too much again

Mixed Emotions

You know what is worse than being turned down outrightly so, its being made to wait. Waiting puts you in a position of inaction. You cannot do anything to help the situation or to move on from the situation. If you get a yes, hurrah, if you get a no, then you reflect a bit then move on. When you're told to wait, sometimes the only thing you can do is wear a hole through your carpet.

Hindi ko na alam kung makakaya ko pa
Di bale na lang kaya
Ako pa ba kaya ang nasa puso niya
Di bale na lang kaya
Ngunit mahal ko siya
......
Ngayon araw-araw lumilipas ang panahon
Kalimutan ko siya'y malayo sa isip ko

Blessings in Disguise?

Before I used to run an internal monologue through my head while traveling, especially during traffic, and I always swore that I’d jot those thoughts down to my blog once I get home, but somehow whenever I do that, they never sound like the thoughts running through my head at that time. So now I proposed to myself, I should only start digressing when I am about to blog. That way, I can save myself some brain effort from thinking about the same thing twice, and it will come out the way as the thoughts riffled through my head.

I saw Samantha Brown’s show today at Discovery Travel and Living channel. She featured a trip to the beer brewery which produced the beer named Kate, alluded to Katherine the Great, which was ranked as number two in the world beer awards. So while she was in a drinking session with the overseer and the owner of the brewery she mentioned that she remembers when the company was founded and started a pub in New England. In 1991, when the pub was newly opened she tried to get a job there as a waitress and was turned down. Cool that she now hosts her own show and goes back to do a feature about it, eh? Relating to my own life, I’d like to think about my brief stint in applying for EP and them not getting me in as a blessing. I just wonder what is in store for me.

Then there was also this person to whom I was attracted to because of hair color. Good thing I did not involve myself in anything serious considering that this person actually tells people that relationships are for fun. Go play Nintendo and stop wasting my time. Jerk.

“If life is a path then jobs have been the little holes that I’ve
fallen in along the way because I wasn’t watching where I was going.”

- mil millington

All you need is love... for apparently it is not enough!

All you need is love… for apparently it is not enough.

Of course there is the usual argument that love is not enough to buy your baby diapers so why stay together, but apparently there are cases when love when its purest form is not enough because it was not able to prevent this Mil Millington from making a fortune about his estranged relationship by writing Things my girlfriend and I fought about, published in eight languages. Hmm, and they say guys have trouble expressing themselves and their emotions - after reading this blog I sure do not think so!

I was looking at the living costs in Singapore because I was feeling optimistic about my recent job interview. Who knows, maybe the next time you here from me, I’ll be typing away my homesickness and my dilemma on who will wash my clothes now that I am living independently and have to do the chores. It is exciting and absolutely terrifying. The last time I cleaned up after myself (really I am capable of doing it if I have no one to do it for me since I have become accustomed to clean surroundings after leaving with clean freaks for so long) is when I had a roomate who was messy enough to scare my guy friend who is messy too. So anyway, I ended up looking at this website about expatriate American guys married to Filipinas. There was this guy on this forum who was thinking of a way out with his wife because she has turned into a jealous psycho because he cannot keep his dick in his pants and has no shame about it. Yes, apparently the wife is such the bad guy here.

I love my God, and I do believe in miracles. Right now I am looking at the TV coverage of the Black Nazarene procession and I couldn’t help but think do I not love him enough because I do not make the effort to actually stop by Quiapo and join the procession of people that has around 1.4 million attendees and only 900 policemen on dispatch? Let me stop there before I say something blasphemous.

The Obligatory Introduction Post

To some extent I am asking myself, is this post really necessary? Growing up with the internet boom, I changed blogs as much as I changed boyfriends. The reason for parting with each other is also the same – having not enough time for the other, you guys have been together for so long you can only see the downsides, or for some inane reason guys just got sick of each other. Just like a broken heart that has healed, it is now trying to love again, or rather write again.

Dear God, it’s me Casia. I am not a religious person per se, more often than not I find myself questioning the dogmas handed out by the Catholic Church. The title of this web log is alluded to the novel Are there God, its me, Margaret not that I’ve even glimpsed that book or have an idea on what it is all about. At this point in time that phrase caught my interest after reading Time 100’s Novels of All Time.

Right now I am twentine. An adult pretending not to be. Adults have to sound proper and dignified, on top of being cool and sassy if we were to follow the trends set by the Sex and the City girls. I am in denial, I have the right to be since I am not yet forty. For the first time in my life I found myself free from all the pressure of balancing school work, social life and procrastinating moods. I’m on a limbo until I get to find a new job that will determine if my dreams when I was younger would actually become a reality. It is both exciting, and terrifying. I have nothing holding me, and nothing to hold on to.